


And there's nothing that I can do, except bury my love for you

by yasminkhxns



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Break Up & Make Up, F/F, I'm not that cruel, Sad smut, Smut, Strap-Ons, angsty smut, but hear me out, im sorry, it is a um, its also, listen its just SAD ok, look i'm adding in a CERTAIN tag so that you can find this kind of this easily if you need to, well i am because this still the saddest thing i've ever wrote BUT STILL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-08-19 05:23:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20204428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasminkhxns/pseuds/yasminkhxns
Summary: “So many people have said similar things to me in the past Yaz. And do you know where they are now? On a shelf in the TARDIS. A memory, because they’re gone.” The Doctor breathed out a hollow laugh. “I never seem to learn my own lesson, I always love too hard, and every single time the thing I love gets ripped away from me. And I’m terrified of that happening to you.”





	1. But this thing you’re building now (all I see is it coming down)

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is literally the saddest shit i've ever wrote i'm SORRY.
> 
> but i implore you to stay with this story because i'm not totally evil and its all gonna work out but its just gonna be real sad for now alright? 
> 
> THIS WAS SUPER HARD FOR ME TO WRITE AS WELL JUST ASK MY AMAZIN BETA @timelxdy!! seriously i had to keep stopping to give myself a minute and question why tf i was writing this lmao

The Doctor runs behind Ryan and Graham, her hand on the older man’s back, pushing him forward and out of the crumbling building. In the back of her mind she is silently praying Yaz has found a way out, her voice on their neck microphones crackling in and out. 

The three of them manage to sprint to a safe distance, all out of breath. The Doctor presses the microphone on her neck.

“Yaz? Yaz are you there?”

There’s static, before-- “-ctor?!”

“Yaz!” The relief was clear in her voice. “Right Yaz, where are you? Me and the boys are out safe.” 

“Yeah I can see th-” a crackle, “-with you soon do-”

The microphone cut off abruptly as the building collapsed entirely, crashing down with an explosion of fire and smoke into a pile of burning rubble.

“YAZ!” The Doctor pushed off to sprint toward the remains of the building. She was only held back by Ryan and Graham who struggled to keep their grip on her arms as she tried to tug out of their grasp.

“Doc you can’t go in there, the smoke alone will be enough to kill you!”

The Doctor yanked her arms free, falling to her knees, dust bouncing up off the ground around her. She didn’t fight the moisture in her eyes as a tear slid down her cheek. 

Her voice broke. “Yaz…” 

The boys stood staring just as dumbfounded at the ashen pile in front them, disbelief written across their faces at the thought that Yaz was crushed underneath. 

The Doctor’s hand flew up to her mouth to muffle a sob that fought its way out of her throat. 

“I… I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” She whispered, her voice quivering. 

The Doctor’s gaze fell to the ground to watch the dust float in the breeze and settle on her trousers. Mind devoid of everything but Yasmin Khan. She felt distraught, Yaz having become another person on a long list of people she’d loved and lost. She wanted to scream, bang her hands into the ground beneath her until her knuckles bled. Yet at the same time she wished the ground would just swallow her whole. Whisk whatever bits got left behind away in the wind along with the dust that was already scratching at her eyes, forcing the dampness in them to spill onto her cheeks.

Just before the rage could seep in and consume her, her name carried on the wind.

“Doctor!” It was Yaz.

The Doctor slowly lifted her head, terrified her mind was playing tricks until she locked onto the figure sprinting towards them. 

Ryan’s voice faded into the background, muffled. All she could focus on was Yasmin Khan. “Yaz! Doctor it’s Yaz!”

When Yaz came into clear view the Doctor practically sobbed in relief, unable to hide the overpowering wave of emotion that hit her as she hurled herself up off the ground, running straight into Yaz’s arms, hands gripping into the brown leather of the brunettes jacket. 

At one point she squeezed a little too tight making Yaz hiss and flinch in pain, the Doctor instantly pulling back to hold Yaz at arm's length. 

“What’s wrong?” worry etched in her voice.

Yaz shook her head. “Nothing, I’m fine, just landed on my shoulder funny from the blast.”

The Doctor took the time to inspect Yaz, noticing a few light cuts on the side of her head, some slight bruising on her jaw, dust stuck to her face and in her hair. She lightly tested a thumb over the cuts by Yaz’s eye in an attempt to remove some of the dirt, stopping when the younger woman flinched back. Both of the Doctor’s hands cupped Yaz’s face as she moved forward to rest their foreheads together, another tear escaping her eye. The Doctor leaned in and pressed their lips together in a searing kiss, pouring everything she was feeling in the moment into it. She slowly pulled away, keeping their foreheads together and her eyes closed.

“I thought I’d lost you.” 

The Doctor pressed another kiss to Yaz’s lips before pulling away fully to allow Ryan and Graham to fuss over their friend. She used the time to compose herself, blinking the moisture away from her eyes as she took a deep breath.

Yaz was alive. A bit battered, but alive.

* * *

It had been nearly a week since the incident, and Yaz had noticed the Doctor’s distance. Often when they were all in the console room together, she would be off in her own world, confliction playing across her features. Yaz would have to bring her back into the room, and the Doctor would gaze down at her with a despondent smile.

It was safe to say Yaz was concerned, it was unusual for the Doctor to be so quiet, a wistful air looming over the Time Lord. So after another adventure where the Doctor had acted particularly reckless, earning herself a gash through her eyebrow, Yaz guided her through the TARDIS to the Doctor’s own bedroom, allowing them a safe space to talk. 

From the Doctor’s sunken stance, Yaz could tell the Time Lord wasn’t going to talk first, so she took the initiative. “Doctor, what’s wrong? You’ve been distant all week, since you thought I died. And now this? You were really reckless today. Stupidly reckless in fact. Your head’s not fully there when it should be and it’s getting you hurt. So, what’s going on?” 

Yaz saw how the Doctor flinched on the word _ died _ and softened.

“If it’s the incident with the building that’s bothering you it shouldn’t. I’m fine.” She stepped forward and took one of the Doctor’s hands, lifting it to cup her cheek. “See? I’m always with you.”

The Doctor withdrew her hand, finally making eye contact. “But you might not be.” 

The look that spread across Yaz’s face was one of confusion, but before she could speak up the Doctor persevered. “So many people have said similar things to me in the past Yaz. And do you know where they are now? On a shelf in the TARDIS. A memory, because they’re gone.” The Doctor breathed out a hollow laugh. “I never seem to learn my own lesson, I always love too hard, and every single time the thing I love gets ripped away from me. And I’m terrified of that happening to you.”

Yaz could feel her eyes glazing over with a damp sheen as the Doctor spoke, anxiety coursing through her whole body in fearful anticipation of where the Doctor was going. 

“Doctor, what are you saying?” 

The Time Lord glanced down at her boots, taking a slow breath. “I’m saying…” she sighed, “What I’m saying is, I’m not sure if me and you, being together, is a good idea... anymore.”

Yaz’s heart plummeted into her stomach, and a single tear spilled over. She felt sick.

The silence in the room became thick and uncomfortable, choking her as she tried to process the Doctor’s words, her voice taking an airy tone as she uttered her next words. “...What?”

Yaz shook her head, managing to compose herself a little. “Wait, I’m sorry what? Doctor, you can’t be serious?” 

The look in her eyes told Yaz she was.

Yaz scoffed, her voice sounded watery. “Doctor, we’ve got stuck in tonnes of situations where you’ve nearly died, Bilehurst Crag to name just one. But I go and nearly die, once, which is an exaggeration to be honest because I was fine, and suddenly you don’t wanna be with me anymore?” Yaz shook her head, feeling frustrated. “No. That’s not fair.”

The Doctor let out an exasperated sigh. “That’s not the point. I can regenerate Yaz, I actually _ am _ always gonna be ok. You’ve got one life, one chance. If you mess it up, that’s it. I lose you, and I don’t know if I can take that.”

“But-” The Doctor interrupts her.

“Listen to me Yaz.” Locking eyes with her, Yaz could see the tears shining in the Doctor’s pupils, anguish painted across her features. “I thought I lost you the other week. And yes it was only for a minute or two but it felt like my whole world had dropped out from underneath me. _ Again _. And I’m just so tired Yaz. I can’t keep losing people. I don’t know how many more times I can live through it. If were together the way we are, and I actually did lose you. I don’t know what I’d do with myself. Rassilon help whatever took you away from me.”

Yaz stepped forward as tears spilled down her cheeks, taking the Doctor’s hands in her own. Her hands shaking along with her voice. “Doctor, I love you. You can’t do this, you can’t just, just change your mind!”

The Doctor tried to smile, but it pulled into more of a grimace. A tear dripping down her cheek as she stepped closer to Yaz, their bodies inches apart. “Yasmin Khan, I care for you. So deeply, more than you could probably understand, and that is exactly why I’m doing this. This is the best way to protect you, and me. I would rather go through ten regenerations in a row than see you die when we’re this… _ close _.” 

Yaz took note of the double entendre as the Doctor’s gaze flicked down to her lips. Yaz’s bottom lip trembled at the forlorn look pooling in the corners of the Doctor’s hazel-green orbs, unable to hold in the quiet sob that crept its way up her throat.

Yaz’s hand came up to rest on either side of the Doctor’s neck as she pushed her face into the Time Lord’s chest. Tears falling freely onto the Doctor’s shirt, leaving dark marks on the red fabric. “Don’t do this. Please, don’t do this.” 

The Doctor grabbed the sides of Yaz’s face and pulled her gaze up. Yaz sniffled, her words falling out her mouth in a mere whisper. “Please…” 

The Doctor’s gaze dropped down to Yaz’s mouth again, followed by her lips that pressed softly against Yaz’s own as she hummed in surprise. 

The Doctor pulled away briefly, her hot breath passing over Yaz’s lips as her eyes remained shut, a tear still leaking out. As the blonde leaned in to capture Yaz’s lips again in a deeper kiss, she could taste the saltiness of the Doctor’s tears when their mouths moved against each other. The Doctor’s hands moved underneath Yaz’s jacket, pushing the garment off her shoulders as it hit the floor with a heavy thump behind her. Deft fingers slid down to the buttons of Yaz’s shirt while she wrapped her arms around the Doctor’s neck. The shirt hung loose off Yaz, the Doctor having undone enough buttons to slide her hands beneath it. She grazed her fingertips over Yaz’s ribs, causing a shudder to ripple down her spine.

A rough hand groped at Yaz’s breast through the fabric of her bra and she moaned into the Doctor’s mouth, which moved away from her lips to leave a trail of kisses along her jaw. Yaz sighed into the Doctor’s touch, her own hands dropping to undo the rest of her shirt buttons. She slipped it off with ease. 

The Doctor pulled back briefly to remove her own coat, letting it pool around her feet before wasting no time in pressing Yaz’s lips back against her own. Yaz slid her tongue over the blonde’s bottom lip and was quickly granted access as the kiss became more heated. 

Reaching behind her, the Doctor unclipped Yaz’s bra, letting it fall down her arms. Once bare, Yaz only pressed in closer to the Doctor, slipping yellow braces down strong arms. 

Yaz pushed the Doctor backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed, forcing her away from Yaz’s mouth to drop down onto the soft mattress. The Doctor’s hands shifted to Yaz’s belt to hastily undo the buckle, but was briefly tugged away from her mission by her own shirt being pulled over her head. Once finished with the buckle, the Doctor’s hands dragged lightly over Yaz’s stomach to rest on her hips, Yaz’s own hands moving to curl into the Doctor’s blonde locks. The Doctor’s lips met the toned muscles of Yaz’s stomach as she trailed a line of kisses down to the waistband of her jeans, not leaving an inch of skin untouched. The Doctor promptly yanked Yaz’s jeans down her thighs and helped to discard them along with her trainers before clawing into the supple skin of Yaz’s thighs, kissing up the inside of her leg. 

Yaz’s grip tightened in the Doctor’s hair as she pulled her back. “On the bed, properly.” 

The Doctor immediately nodded in compliance as she kicked her boots and socks off and shifted up the bed. Her head fell back onto the pillow, blonde hair fanning out around her like a halo. Yaz crawled up the bed to hover over the Doctor, relishing every second she had left as she reached out and stroked her cheek with the back of her fingers, feeling the tears well up in her eyes once more.

“Doctor, please I-”

The Doctor shushed Yaz with a finger to her kiss swollen lips. “Yaz, don’t talk.”

The blonde’s hand drifted around Yaz’s neck, pulling her down into an ardent kiss, her lips trembling against the Time Lord’s. 

Yaz’s fingers dusted over the Doctor’s ribs up to where her sports bra covered her chest, the tips of them slipping underneath the fabric to pull it swiftly over her head. 

To stop herself from becoming too overwhelmed with emotion, Yaz brought her lips down the Doctor’s chest, taking a hardened nipple into her mouth. Yaz swirled her tongue around the bud, scraping her teeth over it lightly while her free hand came up to squeeze the Doctor’s other breast. The action elicited a sharp gasp from the Doctor as she raised herself up into Yaz’s touch, her hand dropping down to twist itself into dark curls. Yaz rolled the Doctor’s nipple between her fingers, pinching at the same time as she tugged slightly with her teeth, leaving the Doctor breathless. 

Yaz rose up for a moment to allow the Doctor a moment before she continued, she used it to soak in her view of the Doctor, flustered beneath her, her chest tinged with a pink blush from the heat between the two women. A slight sheen of sweat had begun to form on her pale skin. Yaz’s slender fingers traced feather light over the Doctor’s ribs, down to her stomach, latching onto the fabric of the trousers, hastily unfastening them. She dragged them down the Doctor’s legs at a torturously slow pace, her lips following the route of the trousers before sliding them off slim legs entirely. As she kissed her way back up the Doctor’s legs her name fell with a heavy breath off the blonde’s tongue.

When she reached the Doctor’s underwear she cupped her through the damp fabric, a sigh tumbling out of the Doctor’s mouth in response as a delicate hand covered Yaz’s and pulled it up and past the elastic into wet heat. 

Yaz’s fingers slid easily through the Doctor’s arousal as she skirted around her clit, prolonging her want for as long as possible.

“Yaz….” the Doctor’s voice quivered.

Yaz pulled her fingers away from the Doctor’s centre to slide her pants down her legs, leaving her completely bare underneath Yaz, physically and emotionally if the look in her eyes was anything to go by. 

Deciding to put them on an even footing, Yaz sat up and removed her own underwear. The love that shone in the Doctor’s eyes as her gaze raked over her naked body only broke Yaz’s heart further.

Yaz climbed up to kiss the Doctor softly barely pulling back, their lips still touching as she ran her fingers back through the Doctor’s wet centre, breathing in the her sighs of pleasure. The Doctor’s hands ghosted down Yaz’s back, pulling her closer, desperate for more contact. Yaz once again closed the gap between their mouths as she slowly ran circles around the Doctor’s clit, reveling in how the blonde’s hips lifted in need of more pressure. 

“More…” The Doctor moaned into Yaz’s mouth and she gladly abided, flicking her finger over the Doctor’s clit, increasing the pressure slightly with each stroke. 

Yaz switched out her finger for her thumb on the Doctor’s swollen bud and slid her index finger through the Doctor’s heat and around her entrance, before pressing inside with ease.

“Oh god, Yaz.” The Doctor’s grip tightened around Yaz’s back as she started moving her finger at a punishingly slow pace, wanting to make the Doctor as desperate as possible.

“Harder Yaz, please harder. God I’m sorry Yaz.” Her voice trembled. “I’m so sorry.”

Yaz buried her face in the Doctor’s neck, adding a second finger and increasing her pace along with her pressure on the Doctor’s clit. She pressed light kisses to the blonde’s neck and jaw, determined not to give in to the lump that had formed in her throat. 

Yaz pressed her fingers deep into the Doctor’s core with each thrust, bending them upwards inside her every so often to hit a spot that made the Time Lord’s hips twitch and moan heavy in Yaz’s ear, her voice sending ripples through Yaz’s body. The Doctor’s arousal only fueled the fire that was ablaze in Yaz’s lower abdomen. 

The Doctor’s walls began to clench around Yaz’s fingers, the blonde’s hands pulling her face to her own, eyes locking as the Doctor moaned and her hips bucked. Just as the Doctor reached her climax she yanked Yaz down, crashing their lips together in a kiss that was full of anguish. The Doctor didn’t let Yaz pull away, using the kiss as an attempt to mask a quiet sob. When her hold finally relaxed from around Yaz’s neck, she pulled back to see tears slipping down the side of the Doctor’s face, her lip quivering as she tried to hold back a whimper.

The Doctor lifted a hand up to rest against Yaz’s cheek, thumb swiping across her supple skin, wiping away a tear Yaz didn’t realise had escaped.

After taking a moment to compose herself after her orgasm and her emotions had overwhelmed her, the Doctor sat up, Yaz still straddling her lap. 

Running her hands up Yaz’s side, one came to rest over her breast, while the Doctor’s mouth enveloped the other, tracing circles with her tongue around the dark bud. Yaz’s hands fell into blonde hair, gripping tighter when a finger pinched, her breath quickening. Yaz pulled the Doctor away from chest and into a gentle kiss, pulling away only slightly to whisper, “I need you.”

The Doctor’s breath shook at Yaz’s words, trying to quell her own tears, as her hand slipped from Yaz’s breast to drift south and run her fingers through Yaz’s soaked core. A soft moan escaped Yaz as her thighs trembled slightly at the first of the Doctor’s touch, the hand resting on her back supporting her. 

Yaz’s hands came up to clutch at the Doctor’s shoulders in support, her nails digging in when the Doctor pushed two fingers inside her. She started to grind down on the Doctor’s fingers in desperate need of more friction. A breathy moan escaping her when the Doctor’s palm began to rub against her clit with each thrust.

Yaz’s body shuddered with pleasure as she wrapped her arms over the Doctor’s shoulders for support. She hid her face in the blonde hair that fell around the Doctor’s neck as pressed down further onto her fingers, a third digit easily sliding in. Yaz could feel her orgasm quickly brewing, already so heated from helping the Doctor reach her own climax. She pressed her body closer to the Doctor’s, her thighs trembling and moans growing louder as she reached her peak. The Doctor crooked her fingers at just the right angle to push Yaz over the edge, feeling the Doctor’s fingers become more slick her release. Yaz slumped against the Doctor as she helped her ride out her orgasm, fingers slowing until they pulled out. 

The Doctor’s arms slowly wrapped around Yaz as they held each other, she could care less about the dampness of her own cum from the Doctor’s fingers sticking to her back.

* * *

Yaz had lost track of how long they had laid next to each other in a deafening silence, both women staring up at the ceiling, too scared to speak or move. It was Yaz who finally made the first move, shifting onto her side to take in the Doctor’s profile, her sharp jaw, her earring that still managed to glisten in the dim light of the TARDIS. It didn’t take long for the Doctor to copy her movements. Yaz watched as hazel-green eyes scanned her face, aware they were taking in every minor detail of her own features, until their eyes finally locked. The wistful look swirling in the Doctor’s eyes made her well up. Yaz felt exhausted from how much she had cried in the past hour. 

“This is it, isn’t it?” Yaz questioned, though she already knew the answer. 

“Yaz…”

Yaz steeled herself as she spoke. Forcing her voice not to waver. “I know I can’t change your mind, but I love you. That’s not going to just disappear.” 

“I-”

“Don’t tell me you love me too. If I hear those words, I’m never gonna leave.”

Yaz leans in and kisses the Doctor gently for what she knows will be the final time, pale hands shooting up to hold her face, grasping at something they know is going to slip away. When Yaz has poured all her emotion in the kiss, she slowly pulls away, resting her forehead against the Doctor’s for a moment. She watches as another tear slides down the Doctor’s cheek, before pulling herself away from the Doctor’s grasp completely. Yaz climbed out of the bed in search of her clothes, messily slipping each garment back over her form as she found them. The Doctor lay facing away from her while she dressed, still not turning when Yaz spoke.

“I think I’m going to need some time, before I can see you again.” Yaz’s voice shook and she sighed, trying to regain some control over it. “You can explain to the boys, this was your choice, after all.” 

The Doctor didn’t respond. 

When Yaz finally manages to tear her gaze away from the Doctor, she turns to leave. Just as she reaches the door however, sheets rustle behind her and she glances round as the Doctor quickly sits up, the fabric of the sheets held close to her chest as she calls out to her.

“Yaz I…” the remainder of the Doctor’s sentence dies on her tongue, any hope that flashed across Yaz’s eyes suddenly dissipating as the Doctor’s mouth creeps shut.

Yaz doesn’t turn away quick enough, unable to hold back the tears that leave tracks across her cheeks. As soon as she’s out the door, she lets the rest of them fall freely.


	2. I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i told you this part is any happier than the first,,,,,, i'd be lying
> 
> enjoy!!
> 
> and thanks to my love beta @timelxdy

It had been four weeks, three days, seven hours and seventeen minutes since the Doctor last saw Yasmin Khan. Not that she was counting. The Doctor understood Yaz needed her space, they’d both gone through a lot. With the Doctor making one of the most difficult decisions in her life as her new regeneration, and Yaz getting the brunt of it. There wasn’t a day that went by where the Doctor didn’t think about Yaz, her heart deflating a little more every time the TARDIS doors opened and the young woman didn’t walk through.

Today was no exception as she watched Ryan, then Graham stroll through the doors as they creaked closed behind them, her heart sinking and her frustration rising. Her mood must have been obvious as the boys tentatively made their way up the steps to the console. She was frowning at a particularly stubborn lever when the two men came to stand behind her.

“Alright Doc?” Graham questioned. 

The Doctor was grateful for the older man’s kindness. The two of them had already stated they were going to stay neutral throughout the whole break up, caring for both women a great deal. Yet, the Doctor knew they were on Yaz’s side just a little more, understandably so. She knew they didn’t quite get the Doctor’s justification for splitting up with Yaz, having heard them whisper about it in the TARDIS kitchen one evening. 

She sighed. “Yeah, I’m ok. I just thought… never mind.”

“Thought what?” Ryan pried.

The Doctor fiddled with the lever as she replied. “I just thought maybe Yaz would come today. I guess I just expected she would’ve come for a trip or two by now. If not for me then for you two, or even for all the experiences she’s missing out on.” 

She ended up tugging at the lever a little too aggressively, slamming down into the console and making the boys jump.

She finally looked up at them apologetically. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry Doc.” Graham patted her on the shoulder. “She just needs time.”

“That’s the thing Graham, she _ has _had time.” She thought for a moment. “4 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours and 21 minutes to be exact.” 

Ryan couldn’t help but chuckle slightly at the specificity of her comment, until Graham nudged him with his elbow and cut him off. 

“She’s hurting, Doc. It’s up to her how long it takes, whether it be one more day or 6 more months.”

The Doctor stopped messing with the console, determination set in her eyes. “I need to see her.”

Graham and Ryan both glanced at each other, agreeing in disagreement. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Doc.”

The Doctor frowned, how brow crinkling. “Why not?” Her hands flew up before dropping back down to slap against her thighs. “We’ve not spoken about it _ at all _since it happened. Surely we should. There are things that have been left unsaid. The way we left it after…” she clears her throat, cheeks reddening a touch. “The way we left it, it was too open, too raw. I didn’t get to say everything I wanted.”

“Listen Doc, she really loves you, that much was obvious to everyone and this is gonna be hard on her.”

Ryan finally spoke up, interrupting his Grandad. “Yeah, you just gotta be patient Doctor. I reckon she’ll come around eventually.” He smiled warmly. 

  


The Doctor shook her head. “No. I’m the least patient person in the universe, I’m going to see her.” 

She began to head toward the TARDIS doors but was stopped by Ryan’s hand sticking out in front of her. “You really think that’s gonna help? Even if you _ did _go see her right now your mood is just gonna make it worse.” 

Graham stepped in front of her, blocking her way to the doors completely, “At least give her another week or two, eh Doc?” his eyes pleaded with her to agree. 

The Doctor’s own gaze softened as she slumped back against the console in defeat and huffed. “Fine.” 

The Time Lord abruptly stands tall and flashes the boys a smile even she knows looks fake, beginning her routine rush around the console, the usual spring in her step absent. 

* * *

After an adventure that left the boys covered in what could only be described as mysterious alien goo, they were more than eager to get off the TARDIS and back home to shower, briskly waving goodbye to the Time Lord.

Just as the door went to fall shut behind them however, it was stopped by a calloused hand. Graham’s head peeked through the gap as he called out the Doctor.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” He gave her a stern look, both of them in understanding of what he was implying.

The Doctor smirked. “Wouldn’t dream of it Graham!”

The door shut softly behind the older man.

The Doctor stood for a moment, pondering on Graham’s words, hand slowly reaching out to the lever in front of her and pulling down. “Right, yes. Time vortex. Off we go!”

It hadn’t been five minutes when the Doctor found herself stepping out of the blue box to face the towering block of Park Hill flats. It takes her another couple of minutes until she’s standing outside of Yaz’s flat, harshly knocking at her door. 

When it finally swings open to the sight of Yaz, the Doctor inwardly cries in relief, terrified at the prospect it could’ve been the wrath of Najia Khan waiting for her. 

The shock of seeing the Doctor passes fleetingly over Yaz’s features, confliction replacing it. Her hand hovers between either easing the door open fully to let the Doctor in, or slamming it in her face. She chooses the first option, soothing the pounding of the Doctor’s hearts as the young women raises arm in invitation. 

Yaz shuts the door behind her as the Doctor takes a few tentative steps down the hallway, flinching as Yaz speeds past her. She turns to face the Time Lord, hip resting against the kitchen counter, arms crossed defensively. “You’re lucky my parents aren’t home. They’d kill you.”

“I don’t doubt it.” The Doctor smiled gently, not receiving one in return.

“Why are you here? I thought I made it clear I needed space.” Quiet anger dripped from Yaz’s voice, yet sadness pooled in her dark eyes. 

The Doctor rubbed the back of her neck in a nervous tick, trying to ease the tension that only tightened there. “Yes. You did. Well…”

“Well what?” Yaz snapped back.

“Well- I missed you. And I know the boys miss you too.” The Doctor stepped forward, Yaz following her movements by stepping back. Anguish framed the Doctor’s features at the young woman’s action. “Yaz, you’re missing so much. Going to all these places with the boys, it’s not the same without you there. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come back. I don’t want you to miss out on all the experiences we’re having.”

Yaz scoffed. “You don’t think i miss it? I miss every second I’m not flying around the universe on your ship.” Yaz laughed, a humorless sound that echoed down the hall. As she continued, her voice became teary. “But that’s the problem Doctor. It’s _ your _ship. So I can’t do it without constantly seeing you, and I can’t do that right now. I can’t see you all time because-” She sniffled, eyes welling up. “Because it hurts too much. Just seeing you right now and knowing I can’t wrap my arms around you or kiss you, it breaks my heart.” Yaz sniffed, finger and thumb rubbing at her eyes in an attempt to stop fresh tears from flowing. 

The Doctor stood speechless at Yaz’s sudden outburst. When she stepped forward again, this time Yaz stayed in place. “Yaz I’m… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you, you must know that. But I know that I did. And I’m sorry. I just-” she sighed. “I just miss you so much. I know the TARDIS does too. I can feel that she does in my mind.” The Doctor takes another cautious step forward. “I just thought that maybe- maybe you would’ve come back for a trip or two by now.” 

Yaz lifted her face from her hand to look at the Doctor.The look that spread across her features was utter disbelief. “‘A trip or two?’ Are you serious?” Yaz scoffed, anger flaring in her eyes. “Oh, just hop on the TARDIS for a trip with my ex who stamped on my heart over a month ago shall I?” The sarcasm oozed through Yaz’s harsh tone.

The Doctor’s face scrunched up at Yaz’s accusation. “‘Stamped on your heart’ is a bit mu-” 

“Well you may as well have Doctor.” It was Yaz’s turn to take a step forward, closing the gap between the two women. All the anger she’d held in over the past month toward the Time Lord began pouring out of her system, like a dam that had burst. 

“You think I could just stroll aboard like _ nothing _ had happened? I love you, Doctor. Like _ really _love you. That’s why I’m so angry with you. Because I still don’t understand. Aren’t you supposed to fly around the universe stopping people from getting hurt? Yet you can’t seem to stop it from happening in your own home? At your own hands and all.” 

The Doctor felt her own irritation bubble at Yaz’s statement. “Now hang on! That’s not very fair, is it? I explained why. I only came here because I wanted us to sit down and properly talk about it all in more detail. There are still things I want to say.”

Yaz chuckled dryly, tears leaving tracks down her cheeks that had fallen in frustration and heartache. “What’s there to talk about Doctor?” She poked at the Time Lord’s chest. “_ You _dumped me.” 

The Doctor’s gaze darted down to Yaz’s lips for just a moment. “You’re right. What _ is _there to talk about?” The Doctor reached up and grabbed Yaz’s face in her hands as she crashed their lips together in a frenzied kiss. The Doctor instantly felt Yaz melt against her, her hands shooting up to grasp at the Doctor’s coat while their mouths moved against each other. It was the brunette who eventually broke them apart pushing the Doctor away as she stepped back, coming to her senses.

Yaz wiped at her lips with the back of her hand. “What are you doing?!”

Both women froze, eyes locked, breathless. Yet, there was something about the fire that burned in the Doctor’s blown pupils that pulled Yaz back towards the Doctor like a bee to honey. She yanked on the Doctor’s grey coat, dragging her back down to crush their lips together. The Time Lord faltered only for a moment before bringing her hands back up to Yaz’s face, fingers swimming through natural curls. The kiss quickly became full of hunger and frustration. The two women battle for dominance, heat pooling between both their legs as the Doctor just barely pulls away.

“Bedroom. Now.”

They both somehow make it to Yaz’s room still fully clothed, but as soon as the door shuts behind the Doctor, Yaz is forced back against it, slammed into the hardwood. The Doctor’s lips were soon pressed to Yaz’s again, her tongue demanding entrance. The brunette moaned at the intrusion, arms wrapping around the Doctor’s neck to bring her closer, while the Time Lord used the opportunity to push a thigh between Yaz’s legs. The Doctor’s mouth moved away from Yaz’s to trail along her jaw and down her neck. She nipped and sucked, leaving marks that quickly bloomed across dark skin, reveling in the noises her actions evoked from Yaz. 

The Doctor’s hands fumbled with the edge of Yaz’s top, swiftly pulling it over her head before tossing the garment behind her. Her hands grazed over Yaz’s ribs to maneuver around her back, fingers timidly brushing their way up and down Yaz’s spine as she recaptured her lips in a hungry kiss that was messy with want before Yaz pulled back briefly.

“We really shouldn’t be doing this.” She spoke breathlessly. 

The Doctor paused in her ministrations. “Do you want to stop?”

Yaz scoffed. “Don’t you dare.”

The Doctor smirked as she leaned back in, bending slightly to grab Yaz’s ass and lift her up. The Doctor turned around, keeping her hold on Yaz, taking only a couple of steps before dropping her down on the end of the bed, her knees hitting against the edge of the mattress.The Doctor knelt before her, hands reaching around to unclasp Yaz’s bra, replacing the fabric with her mouth against a pebbling nipple. Yaz gasped at the unexpected sensation, her hands flying to twist in blonde locks. The Doctor’s hands slid around Yaz’s lower back, acting as a support while her tongue flicked against the dark bud. The Doctor slowly circled dark skin and gently grazed her teeth over Yaz’s hard nipple, earning a moan and a slight tug of her hair. She pulled back, looking up to see Yaz with her her eyes screwed shut, lips slightly parted, lightly panting. The Doctor moved to Yaz’s other nipple, paying it the same amount of attention as her hands grazed over Yaz’s skin to unbutton the young woman’s jeans.

The Doctor pulled back and tugged lightly at the waistband of Yaz’s trousers, who opened her eyes and nodded in silent communication as she lifted herself off the bed slightly to allow the Doctor to slip the fabric down her thighs and off her legs. Her underwear promptly followed suit. The Doctor stood and pushed Yaz down roughly on the bed by her shoulders and climbed on top of her, a thigh pressing against the brunette’s centre, her hands flying up to clamp around mustard yellow braces. Yaz pulled the Doctor down, her lips parting for the Time Lord who accepted the eager kiss. She bit Yaz’s lower lip, tugging slightly as she let go. The Doctor kissed and nipped their way down Yaz’s form, dropping off the bed and back onto her knees, hands sliding down the brunettes sides as she writhed against the sheets. 

“...Doctor.” Yaz gasped.

When the Doctor closed in on where Yaz needed her most, but not quite giving her what she wanted, she traced rough kisses up the inside of the brunette's thigh as her hands dragged up the outside. Yaz groaned in frustration at the Doctor’s teasing, her hands covering her face.

The Doctor’s lips grazed up her sensitive skin slowly enough that when hot breath finally met Yaz’s core, goosebumps rippled over her body. 

“Doctor… please.” Yaz whined.

“Please, what?” The Doctor cooed, fingertips tracing feather light patterns right next to Yaz’s glistening heat.

Yaz huffed in annoyance. “God, please just fuck me Doctor!”

“Gladly.” The Doctor murmured, her tongue taking its first swipe through Yaz’s core, the woman splayed out above her crying in relief. The Doctor licked from the tip of Yaz’s entrance up to her throbbing bud and back down. She ran her tongue through slick folds, tasting Yaz’s arousal, something she’d missed immensely. When the Doctor swiped up in a broad stroke and pressed the flat of her tongue against Yaz’s clit, she moaned deeply as her hand came down to curl into blonde hair and tug harshly. The Doctor’s attention focused on Yaz’s bud, circling the bundle of nerves before licking and sucking. One of the Doctor’s deft hands slid up Yaz’s leg to press down on her hips, holding them in place as they bucked against her mouth. 

Her other hand shifted under her chin, a finger circling Yaz’s entrance before slipping a digit in, then another, moving them slowly at first against slick walls to accommodate the slight stretch. As Yaz began to grind against the Doctor’s fingers she increased her pace, while keeping her tongue focused on the brunette’s clit. Yaz’s breaths were coming shorter as she gasped at the increased speed, her hands clenching tighter in blonde locks. The Doctor could feel the burn against her scalp, yet appreciated the sensation as it only spurred her on. 

The Time Lord shifted one of Yaz’s legs to rest over her shoulder, wrapping a hand around her thigh and digging her nails in to keep the younger woman in place. As the Doctor thrust into Yaz, she added a third finger, causing the toned thighs around her head to tremble as Yaz scrunched her eyes shut and draped an arm across her face. 

“God, Doctor. Harder.” Yaz panted, the Doctor more than willing to oblige as she fucked Yaz deeper and harder, setting a punishing pace. Her knuckles pressed against Yaz’s entrance with every thrust while she curled her fingers inside up towards her tongue, feeling the brunette’s walls clench around her. She didn’t slow as Yaz’s hips shot off the bed, her tongue keeping its rhythm against her clit and her fingers pumping inside her as Yaz’s legs clamped around her head, trembling through her climax. The Doctor’s name tumbled off Yaz’s lips as she came hard, flopping back down on the bed, breathless. The Doctor slowed as she guided Yaz through her come down, pulling her mouth away first, then slowly slipping her wet fingers out, taking them into her mouth as she sucked off Yaz’s arousal. 

The Doctor felt uncomfortably tight in her lower stomach, heat radiating from her core as she lay on the bed next to Yaz, both women taking a moment to catch their breath. 

After a few minutes, Yaz sat up turning to face the Doctor, she went to slide her braces off her shoulders when the Doctor grabbed her wrists. “No.”

“No?” Yaz questioned. “But-”

“No, Yaz.” The Doctor pushed herself up to meet Yaz, gently placing her youthful hands back into her naked lap. How much the Doctor wanted to let those hands explore her own body, fuck her just as hard as she did Yaz, but she knew she didn’t deserve it. After the way she had hurt Yaz, she didn’t deserve her love, or her touch. So as badly as the Doctor needed it, she wouldn’t let herself give in. 

Yaz rose up off the bed and padded over to wardrobe to grab her softest dressing gown. The Doctor watched as she continued to face away from her, head hanging low. “This was a mistake.” 

The Doctor was stunned. “What?”

Yaz spun around, and that’s when the Doctors saw the tears pooling in her eyes, and how one had spilled down her cheek. “I _ said _ this was a mistake.” Yaz tugged at her own hair. “God, how could I have been so stupid? I can’t believe I let this happen.” 

Panic started to twist in the Doctor’s own stomach. “You did want this though Yaz? Right?”

Yaz hands gestured wildly as she spoke, “Doctor, of course I wanted it. I always want you. What we just did? I’d do it again now, right this second. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t regret it like I am now.” She sighed, shoving her hands in her gown pockets. “I, um, I think you should go, Doctor. Especially before my parents get back.” 

“But-”

“Please, Doctor. I’ll come back to the TARDIS when I’m ready. Ok? You have to accept that and actually be patient for once in your life.” Yaz’s voice may have been steely, but her eyes deceived her as more tears escaped down her cheeks. 

The Doctor stayed quiet, simply nodding as she stood. Her gaze locked with Yaz’s as she dipped her own hands into her trouser pockets. “You’re right. I’m sorry Yaz. But, my doors will always be open for you, ok?”

The brunette shyly nodded, wiping a tear away.

Yaz lead the Doctor to the door, hand resting on the lock as she turned back to the Time Lord. “This is what you wanted Doctor, you have to suffer your own consequences.” She opened the door and the Doctor stepped outside, turning back to face Yaz a final time, watching as determination set in the young woman’s eyes. “And if we’re not getting back together, this,” Yaz pointed between the two women. “Is not happening again.”

The Doctor slowly nodded and twisted on her feet to walk away, flinching as the door shut behind her. She didn’t realise she was crying until she felt a tear drip off her chin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe one day i'll write a chapter where it doesn't finish with one of them crying lmao
> 
>   
they'll be happy soon i promise!! x


	3. How can I keep myself away, when I'm falling on for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look ok i can't quite believe i wrote this... it's literally the most porniest thing i've ever written
> 
> so um,,,, ahem,,,,, enjoy SDJKLGDGKSLJKJLDGS
> 
> and thank you to @timelxdy for being my beta!!!!

The Doctor had to wait another month before she saw Yasmin Khan again. It was a muggy Saturday in Sheffield when she landed the TARDIS outside Graham and Ryan’s house, fiddling with the controls while she impatiently waited for the boys push through the doors. The two men were taking an unusually long time to arrive. She assumed they’d heard the sound of the TARDIS arriving, yet considered heading out to knock at their door anyway. Just as the Doctor began to shift from her spot, the doors to the ship swung open and Ryan, then Graham, and to the Doctor’s surprise, Yaz stepped into the console room. 

“Yaz!” The Doctor called, a grin spreading across her cheeks, crinkling the corners of her eyes. 

Yaz smiled back shyly as the Doctor’s gaze drifted over her form. After having not seen the younger woman for a whole month, the Doctor reacquainted herself with Yaz’s toned figure and her shapely thighs. Her gaze eventually wandered back up Yaz’s face, taking note of her sharp features, lingering at plush lips and then, finally, lifting to her glossy pupils. 

A slight blush tinted Yaz’s cheeks, her gaze dropping to the floor in acknowledgment of the Doctor’s roaming eyes. “Hi, Doctor.”

The Doctor’s grin only widened at Yaz’s response, wrinkles etching deeper into her face. “Good to have you back aboard.” She sharply nodded. “Brilliant in fact.” 

All three humans chuckled lightly at the Doctor’s remark, slowly making their way up the steps to the Doctor, stopping beside the Time Lord. Graham rested a gentle hand on Yaz’s shoulder and she appreciated the gesture, the comfort of the older man easing some of the nerves gnawing away at her insides. “The Doc’s right, it’s good to have you back, love.”

Ryan rocked up on Yaz’s other side, offering her a cheeky grin. “Yeah, defo.”

Yaz, however, wasn’t the only one with nerves eating away at her. The Doctor herself was elated to have Yaz back aboard her ship, yet her thoughts couldn’t help but drift to the last time she was on the TARDIS. One of the worst nights of both of their lives, and how that very same week Yaz had almost died, how it had sent the Doctor into a reckless frenzy. 

When the Doctor’s gaze dropped to the controls to consider where she could safely take her fam, she spotted Yaz’s hands resting against the console in her peripheral. Her fingers itched to reach out and entwine her hand with Yaz’s own. She could feel the tension fizzing between their fingertips, so the Doctor distracted her own hands by pressing buttons and flicking switches as she danced around the console,spring returning to her step in Yaz’s presence. 

As the Doctor maneuvered around the centre column, she couldn’t help but consistently glance over to where Yaz stood quietly chatting with Ryan and fiddling with the hem of her jacket sleeve. The Doctor paused her dance when her hand settled over the dematerialisation lever, gaze remaining on her companions. “Right fam!” she called out, interrupting their conversation as they all turned to face her. “I’ve set our coordinates to the planet Taphus. It’s amazing there, perfectly safe and covered in hundreds of different coloured lakes. Sound good?” 

The three humans nodded in unison and the Doctor pulled the lever down, setting them in motion.

When they finally landed with a soft thump, the Doctor bounced around the console to her friends, stopping in front of them with a clap of her hands. “Ready fam? I think you’re really gonna love this one.” The Doctor didn’t give her companions a chance to breathe as she dashed off towards the TARDIS doors, nervous energy bubbling over like a kid that’s had caffeine. 

Before heading off to catch up with the Doctor, Yaz was halted by Graham’s gentle grasp on her shoulder. “You sure you’re ok to be here, Yaz?”

Yaz nodded contently. “Yeah, I am. Don’t get me wrong, it’s weird being back and I know it’s gonna take a bit of getting used to. But I want to be here, I promise.”

Graham smiled politely as he rubbed down her arm. “Alright, love.” 

The Doctor took one step outside the TARDIS before ducking her head back in momentarily. “By the way, it’s pretty hot here, you won’t need your jackets!” The Doctor’s own coat was comically flung into the ship as the three companions dumped their own jackets and headed outside to catch up with their eccentric friend. 

As Yaz emerged from the TARDIS, the sight before her took her breath away. The landscape laid out in front of her was incredibly serene, hundreds of lakes of all different shapes, sizes and colours spread out before her in a unique kind of rainbow. The sun shone down brightly on them, the rays of light reflecting off the water and intensifying the colours. Another thing she noticed was that apart from the four of them, the surrounding area was devoid of anybody else, the view spreading out for miles ahead of her and not another person in sight. She wasn’t the only person to notice.

“Hey, Doc, is there anyone else on this planet or just us? Only because well, looking around, I can’t exactly see anybody else.” Graham questioned, the puzzled look on his face deepening the frown lines on his forehead. 

The Doctor stretched her arms out on either side of her, gesturing to the vast landscape. “This planet is massive, Graham! There are probably other people here, but we’re not parked anywhere near the designated landing zones, didn’t want us stuck in a space tourist trap. Now come on fam!” 

Ryan chuckled at the Doctor’s phrasing as they followed her towards one of the lakes, the grass soft under their feet as they walked along behind the Time Lord. The Doctor stopped them at one of the significantly larger lakes, the water a lilac colour, its depth unending, and the flowers surrounding its edges were nothing like Yaz had ever seen. She watched as the colours pulsed and swirled through the petals. 

The Doctor turned back to face her companions as she pointed at the water. “Just so you know, the water is perfectly safe, so if you want to take a dip feel free!” 

Ryan grinned, the younger man rushing back toward the TARDIS to change into a pair of swimming trunks. 

The Doctor wasn’t phased by Graham’s lack of enthusiasm to go change, but was more surprised by Yaz’s. “Not you Yaz?” She queried. 

Yaz shook her head. “Nah, don’t feel like getting soaking wet, might just deep my feet in though.”

“Hey Doc?” Graham called, grabbing the aliens attention. “You reckon you got any sun loungers on the TARDIS? Only, I’d much rather sit and enjoy a book rather than get myself all wet.”

The Doctor smiled warmly. “Absolutely Graham. Try store cupboard…” she pondered for a moment. “Seventeen.” 

He gave a thumbs up in response. “Brill, see you in a minute then.” The older man wandered off to find a sun lounger, leaving the two women alone. They stood awkwardly as nerves swam around in Yaz’s stomach at the prospect at being alone with the Doctor, neither woman sure of what to say.

The Doctor swallowed her own nerves, deciding to speak first. “Yaz, listen I-”

“GERANIMO!” Ryan caught both women off guard as he charged toward the lake, dive bombing into its depths as he sent water splashing over both Yaz and the Doctor, the water rippling outward from his impact. 

Yaz wiped the water from her face, a little stunned by the contrast of cool water on her skin compared to the heat of the sun beating down on her skin. “Ryan!”

As soon as his head bobs above the water, he bursts out laughing, proud of his work, a mischievous grin painting his face. The two women gazed at each other, both breaking into laughter as well, the tension between them slowly easing away. Yaz couldn’t thank Ryan enough. 

As their laughter died down, the sound of footsteps on the grass become apparent as Graham re-joined the group, standing on the other side of the lake with a sun lounger and book in his hands. His Pythagoras shades are slotted on his face, concealing his eyes, making the Doctor chuckle beside Yaz. The Doctor didn’t mind Graham keeping the sunglasses, they suited him better anyway. However, the older man didn’t stay long, ushering Ryan towards him, who hopped out of the lake and over to his Grandad, a puzzled look painting his features. Graham murmured something into Ryan’s ear, who nodded in agreement as the older man called over to the Doctor. “Hey, Doc! Me and Ryan are gonna go and check out the orange lake if that’s alright?”

The Doctor grinned in return. “‘Course it is! Technically, the water should be a bit warmer in that one than it is in this one. The heat of the lake depends on its colour.” 

Graham nodded, acknowledging the Doctor’s response. 

Ryan pointed to the lilac lake. “Thank God, that water was freezing!” The younger man turned and sprinted toward the orange lake, whooping as he dive bombed into the warmer water.

The Doctor had been watching Ryan’s mischief from afar, so when she turned back around to face Yaz, she was met with the empty landscape, until she heard shuffling below her and glanced down to see Yaz untying her shoes and rolling her jeans up to her mid-calf. The Doctor decided to copy the young woman’s movements, slipping her own boots and socks off and placing them to the side of her. 

She sat down and joined Yaz at the lakeside, dipping her feet into the cool water. She observed as Yaz gently splashed her feet, sending gentle ripples across the lake. The Doctor took a deep breath, gaze following the rippling water. “It’s good to have you back, Yaz.” 

Yaz’s voice was quiet, but sincere when she replied. “It’s good to be back. I missed you.” The brunette looked up from the water, braid flicking over her shoulder as she scanned the Doctor’s profile. The Doctor could feel Yaz’s eyes on her, so she turned to catch Yaz’s gaze with her own, a wistful smile pulling at her lips. “I missed you too.”

Yaz cleared her throat awkwardly and broke their gaze, looking out at the landscape before her. “So, been anywhere good while I’ve been gone?” Yaz could almost feel the Doctor’s energy buzz at the question. Energy spilling over into her answer. 

“We’ve been some fantastic places Yaz! There was this one planet, thousands of years in the future where they have these dogs that cough up bright green eggs, like a cat does with furballs. You know what’s inside them? Tiny little alien puppies. I tell you what, it was one of the most bizarre things I’ve seen in a while.” 

Yaz turned back to face the Doctor while she explained the dogs in even greater detail, hands gesturing wildly. “-nd then one of the massive dogs sneezed and this alien gunk went _ all over _Ryan and Graham! I couldn’t stop laughing but I don’t think the boys were very impressed.” Her face scrunched as she told Yaz the story, who laughed at finding out the boys had ran into some gooey trouble. 

“Then I brought them back home and they went got cleaned up.” She paused briefly. “Yes, that’s right! Because that’s that day I saw you-” the Doctor suddenly cut herself off, realising what her words were racing towards. Yaz caught on, anguish shadowing the corners of her eyes.

The Doctor’s gaze drifted down her feet where they kicked lightly under the water. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, pushing it down to allow courage to rise up in its place. She could feel Yaz’s stare burning into her features as she sighed, “Yaz, listen. I’m so sorry.” She glanced up to meet Yaz’s gaze. “I’ve hurt you. Really hurt you when I never wanted to, and every second you weren’t on the TARDIS I missed you so much. Everyday was harder than the last with you not there. And don’t get me wrong I love the boys to pieces but it’s never the same when you aren’t there next to me, out there,” she peers up to the sky. “In the universe.” 

Yaz brought her fingers up to fiddle nervously in her lap as she eyed them distractedly. “But, Doctor? How can you say all this? You’re the one who broke us off. It doesn’t really feel very fair of you to say that when you’re the one who pushed me away from the TARDIS in the first place.”

“I know.” She said resolutely. “That’s why I think I made a mistake.”

Yaz’s head shot up, her jaw hung open slightly. “What?”

The Doctor shook her head. “No, not think. Know. I _ know _ I made a mistake.” The Doctor reached out and took one of Yaz’s hands in her own. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, and I realise now how irrational I was. I was just so scared of losing you Yaz, and my feelings towards that haven’t changed. I’m still terrified I’ll take you off in the TARDIS one day and I won’t be able to bring you back and it will be all my fault. I know I’m going to outlive you, and that should rationalise me into thinking it’s best for us to stay apart and let you move on and make your own family.” 

Yaz went to speak but the Doctor quickly continued.

“And I know you are going to say that’s not what you want. I get that. I- I still love you Yaz, and I think I should allow myself to love you _ now _, in the present, and have the time we spend together as memory in my hearts forever, rather than live lonely. So, I guess, what I’m asking, is…”

Yaz’s smile began to grow, forming into a grin brighter than the sun beating down on them. “Is…?”

“Um- Yasmin Khan, will you take this silly, _ very _old Time Lord back?” The Doctor’s smile was lopsided and worrisome, yet hope shone in her eyes, glistening more intensely than Yaz had ever seen. 

Yaz moved her free hand to rest it on top of where the Doctor held one of hers. “You know I will, you daft alien.” She giggled and the Doctor’s face dropped into a frown, yet amusement and a damp sheen misted her eyes. 

“I am not daft!”

Yaz leaned in. “You so are.” She placed a light peck on the Doctor’s lips and the Time Lord could practically feel her hearts sing.

* * *

Yaz barely remembered how they got to her room so fast. The fam had spent the rest of the day relaxing around the lakes, but as soon as they headed back to the TARDIS, the Doctor had dragged Yaz away down the winding halls of the ship and straight to her bedroom. Now she found herself pinned up against her door by the Time Lord, who pressed their bodies as close as she could while her tongue demanded entrance that Yaz easily gave. 

The Doctor tore Yaz’s jacket off her form, followed quickly by discarding her shirt as her mouth moved away from her lips down her neck, leaving open mouthed kisses that heated her skin with every touch. She bit a mark into Yaz’s neck, sucking at the skin and licking to ease the sting as she claimed Yaz as hers once more. The Doctor’s nails dug into Yaz’s hips as she traced kisses over chest, not leaving a speck of skin untouched. 

When the Time Lord finally pulled away, it was only to relieve herself of her own jacket and drag Yaz towards the bed, forcing her down on the mattress as she climbed up her form, leaning down to recapture Yaz’s lips in a tender kiss that contrasted her previous actions. Everything up to this point had been rushed and messy, but the Doctor’s kiss slowed it all down. Her lips were gentle, calloused hands coming up to cup Yaz’s face as she deepened the kiss, keeping it slow but passionate. As their mouths moved against each other in a practiced dance, the air between them began to heat up, their breaths becoming heavier. Yaz only pulled away to catch her breath, yet it caught in her throat at the sight of the Doctor’s pupils blown so wide that they were almost entirely black. 

The Doctor’s hands shifted away from Yaz’s face to curl around her back and unclasp her bra so she could close her mouth around a hardened nipple. Yaz let out a sharp gasp, body arching into the Doctor as she swirled her tongue around the dark bud, pinching it lightly between her teeth, deft fingers copying her ministrations on Yaz’s other nipple. The young woman’s hands came up to curl into blonde locks, grip tightening when the Doctor rolled, nipped and sucked at her stiff peaks, the stimulation setting a fire ablaze in her stomach and forcing a deep moan to roll off her lips. “God… Doctor.” 

The Doctor finally moved away from Yaz’s breasts, hands grazing down her toned stomach, her muscles twitching underneath her touch. Dark jeans were swiftly removed, leaving Yaz in just her underwear. The Doctor sat up and knelt between Yaz’s legs as she dragged her nails down the brunette’s abs. Her gaze burned into Yaz’s skin as she swiped her tongue across her bottom lip at the sight before her. “You’re so beautiful, Yaz.” 

A deep blush bloomed across Yaz’s cheeks, spreading down her chest at the Doctor’s declaration. To distract all the attention from herself, she reached up and tugged the Doctor back down by her braces, their noses just barely touching. “And you’ve got too many clothes on.”

Yaz slid the Doctor’s braces off her shoulders and dipped her hands into the waistband of her trousers to grasp the hem of the Doctor’s shirts, tugging them over her head. The Time Lord promptly removed her own bra, trousers following suit as they found their place discarded on the bedroom floor. 

The Doctor leant back down, lips grazing the skin between Yaz’s breasts as she headed southwards, leaving gentle kisses in her wake. When she reached the fabric of the young woman’s underwear, she ran her fingers across the dark patch that stained them. Yaz writhed beneath the Doctor at her feather light touch, her teasing already becoming unbearable. 

“Doctor... please.”

The Doctor smirked as she dragged Yaz’s underwear down her legs, leaving her completely bare. Having missed the brunette an incomprehensible amount over the time they had been apart, the Doctor wasted no time in running her fingers through Yaz’s wet folds as the woman lay out above her practically sobbed in relief. White-hot heat shot straight through Yaz at the Doctor’s touch, hips rising in an attempt to get more friction, succeeding when deft fingers circled her clit. The Doctor kissed down the inside of Yaz’s thigh as her fingers continued their ministrations, the eventual addition of her tongue making the young woman’s hands twists in the sheets. As the Doctor swiped up the Yaz’s centre, she kept pressure on her swollen bud, dipping her tongue near her entrance and licking back through her folds before replacing her hands with her mouth. Yaz’s hands moved from the sheets to the Doctor’s hair, curling her fingers into the locks and tugging slightly, the Doctor’s moan vibrating against her core made her shudder with pleasure. 

Yaz grinded against the Doctor’s mouth in desperate need of more. “Doctor, please, I need more.” 

The Doctor lifted her head momentarily, yet still allowed her breath to hit Yaz’s centre as she spoke, sending shivers down the young woman’s spine. “What do you need Yaz?”

Yaz huffed in frustration. “You. I need you- inside, please.” 

The Doctor, all too eager to please, circled Yaz’s entrance before sliding a digit in and setting a slow pace. The young woman’s hips twitched at the intrusion, pressing herself harder against the finger and already in need of more. The Doctor took that as her queue to add a second finger and increase her pace, a breathy moan tumbling off Yaz’s lips at the action. 

To increase the pressure on Yaz’s clit, the Doctor pressed the flat of her tongue against the bundle of nerves, then licked through her folds in a broad stroke that had Yaz’s jolting off the mattress. 

“Hnn… Oh God, Doctor.” Yaz cried as her fingers curled tighter in blonde locks, her core thrumming with her rapidly rising climax. As the Doctor once more increased the speed of her fingers, she could feel Yaz’s walls begin to clench around her as she pressed deeper with each thrust. The supple thighs around her head began to shake as Yaz’s moans repeatedly fell from her lips, the Doctor’s name slipping through more than once. The blonde continued to pump her fingers at an increasingly fast pace, twisting her fingers to brush Yaz’s walls and bring her to her peak. 

Yaz’s legs clamped around the Doctor’s head as her hips shot off the bed and she felt herself tremble all over at her release, pleasure searing through her body as the Doctor thrust her fingers as deep as they would go, holding them in place while she continued to lap gently at her clit to extend her orgasm and slowly help Yaz come down from her high. She finally relaxed, the tension released from her body as Yaz dropped back down on the bed. The Doctor slowly removed her fingers and when Yaz looked down, she caught sight of the Doctor licking her lips, followed by sucking Yaz’s wetness off her own fingers. Yaz may have just cum, but the sight only relit the embers that burned in her core. 

While Yaz rested on the bed and allowed herself to catch her breath, the Doctor shuffled up and settled her head on the younger woman’s toned stomach, tracing patterns across the dark skin under Yaz’s breasts. Whatever she was drawing, Yaz noted, it was circular. She stroked through blonde strands, the Doctor’s hum of approval vibrating through her body as Time Lord glanced up and locked eyes with her, a warm smile gracing her lips.

“I love you, Yasmin Khan.” 

Yaz’s chest fluttered like hundreds of butterflies had just burst out of her heart at the Doctor’s declaration, a soft chuckle escaping throat. “I love you too.” 

The Doctor grinned as she sat up to straddle Yaz, who began to lightly trace her hands along her pale thighs. She gently lifted the young woman’s braid into her hands and stroked her fingers down the ridges until she reached the bobble holding her hair in place. “Can I take it out?”

Yaz, still a little unfocused, didn’t quite catch the Doctor’s question. “What?”

“Your braid, can I take it out?”

Yaz’s hands paused on her thighs, slightly puzzled. “Erm, sure. Why?”

The pulled the bobble onto her wrist and started to undo the plait. “Because your hair is beautiful.” The Doctor said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Once free from the braid, the Doctor spread the dark brown tresses to rest over yaz’s shoulders. She gazed down, proud of her work and smiled warmly so that the corners of her eyes crinkled in the way that Yaz loved. The Doctor moved a hand up to cup Yaz’s face and tenderly stroked her cheek with her thumb. “I can’t believe I was so stupid as to let you go.” 

Yaz leaned into the touch and placed her own hand over the Doctor’s as she spoke softly. “Don’t think about that right now. Just think about how much I want you.” 

The Doctor’s lips pulled into a smirk as her eyes blackened, quickly jumping off Yaz to duck underneath the bed, searching for what, Yaz was unsure of. As she continued to lay there, her features creased into a puzzled frown. “Doctor? What are you looking for?” 

Her head comically popped back up, the only part that was visible to Yaz. “Oh, I’m not finished with you yet.” She smiled. 

Yaz’s eyebrows shot into her hairline as white-hot heat shot through her at the Doctor’s confidence. 

When the Doctor vocalised the success of her hunt she rose from the ground and climbed back onto the bed, strap-on and lube in hand. “Feeling up for it?” She questioned. Yaz could only eagerly nod in reply. She sat up briefly to help the Doctor adjust the harness, only to be pushed back down on the bed when the Doctor was comfortable. She sunk down to Yaz and left a lingering kiss on her lips, dragging her bottom lip between her teeth as she pulled away. The angle caused the toy slide briefly against Yaz, eliciting a gasp at the feel of the cool silicone in contrast to her own wet heat. 

The Doctor lifted herself away, hands dragging down Yaz’s body as she did so before, relinquishing her touch to pop open the plastic tube and squeeze a small amount of lube onto her fingers. She rubbed her hand over the toy to sufficiently cover it, and all Yaz could do was stare, heat coursing through her veins at the sight, gaze flicking up to see the Doctor drag her bottom lip through her teeth. Yaz felt as if her skin was on fire when the Doctor locked eyes with her. The Time Lord then moved her fingers down to run through Yaz’s folds to find the young woman was still soaked as her breath caught in her throat at the touch. As the Doctor gripped a toned thigh to balance herself, she slid one, then two fingers into Yaz, pressing them slow and deep, watching as the younger woman’s eyes slid shut and her chest rose and fell in quick succession at the welcome intrusion. A third digit soon joined the others and the Doctor slowed her speed, allowing Yaz and get used to the slight stretch. Her eyes fluttered open slightly and she nodded at the Doctor, grabbing her wrist and pressing the fingers deeper inside herself with a breathy moan. After a few more thrusts, the Doctor pulled her fingers out, wiping them against Yaz’s thigh. 

“Ready?” the Doctor queried.

“God yes.” Yaz replied. Her throat dry with anticipation. 

Before going any further, the blonde reached over to the side of Yaz and grabbed a pillow. Returning to her original position, she lifted Yaz’s hips slightly and placed the cushioning underneath, previous knowledge making itself known. One hand came to rest atop Yaz’s hip, thumb stroking gently across the bone, while the other was directing the toy to Yaz’s core. She teased the silicone through her folds, leaving a slight pressure on Yaz’s clit that left her writhing underneath the Time Lord. Finally, the Doctor slowly pressed the toy into Yaz. Once deep enough, her hand moved back to the young woman’s thigh, nails digging in a touch. Yaz’s jaw dropped open slightly as she gasped at the sensation of the toy pushing deeper inside of her, hands twisting in the sheets. The pleasure made profanity slip from her mouth as her head dropped back against the pillow. “Oh fuck… Doctor.”

Once she had pressed in until the toy was at the hilt, the Doctor moved her hand from Yaz’s thigh to her other hip, allowing her the ability to hit the right angle as she slowly pulled back to start pumping more shallow thrusts inside Yaz. One hand rose up Yaz’s body, dragging along her skin and leaving goosebumps in her wake as she moved to massage Yaz’s breast and pinch a nipple between thumb and forefinger. Yaz’s hand came to rest over the top of the Doctor’s, encouraging her ministrations as she circled the sensitive skin and rolled her thumb over the stiff peak. 

The Doctor began to grind and thrust deeper into Yaz, the pillow underneath Yaz allowing the Doctor to reach new angles and hit a spot inside of Yaz that had the woman below her moaning loudly and keening off the bed. Using the hand on her hip to hold her down, her spare hand moved down from Yaz’s breast to dip through her folds and circle her clit with her thumb. The sensations of the Doctor stimulating her inside and out, had her racing toward her climax and white hot heat searing through her veins. When Yaz glanced up to see the look on the Doctor’s face, the strands of hair sticking to her forehead with sweat, it had her at the point of tipping over the edge.

“Doctor, I’m gonna-”

“Don’t.” The Doctor paused her movements around her clit and pulled out completely, causing Yaz to whine in protest.

“Wha-”

“Don’t cum until I say you can, ok?” The Doctor said assuredly. 

Words failed Yaz when she tried to respond, too distracted by the tip of the toy skirting through her folds, and the fiery gaze of the Doctor’s blown pupils igniting her skin. She simply nodded as she writhed on the bed, desperate for more friction. The Doctor easily slid back into Yaz’s soaked core, pumping into her at a suitable rhythm, not quite to the hilt. She began to flick over her swollen bud again, Yaz’s arm coming rest over her eyes as the pleasure began to almost overwhelm her. Her spare hand still gripped tightly at the sheets, her knuckles white as she tried to hold off her climax. As the Doctor started to press deeper into her at an increasing pace, she hit just the right spot inside of her and Yaz knew she wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer. “Doctor, please. Please I’m gonna- I can’t-” 

The Doctor almost pulled out entirely again, leaving the tip just inside and Yaz practically sobbed with impatience. “Doctor, _ please. _” 

As tension built between the two women, with the Doctor still paused in her movements, the whole world closed in on Yaz and all she could focus on was the woman above her. Their eyes locked and all Yaz could do was lie there, the apprehension sending her senses into near overdrive, until the Doctor said two words that finally allowed her to let go. “Ok Yaz.” 

The Doctor applied pressure to Yaz’s clit and pressed right into the hilt, hitting a spot that had Yaz’s back arching off the bed as her body wracked with her climax, the Doctor’s name falling from her lips between moans like her previous release. Pleasure coursed through her whole body as the Doctor set a punishing pace to draw out her orgasm for as long as possible. As one wave of release washed over her, Yaz immediately felt another building, ready to crash over her at any moment as the Doctor pumped the toy to the hilt with every thrust. One orgasm rolled into another as her hips jolted off the bed into the pressure of the toy, her whole body trembling in total bliss, moaning with each thrust as the Doctor slowed, guiding her through the aftershocks. When Yaz finally moved a weak arm to push the Doctor away, overstimulation hitting, she sunk into the bed and attempted to catch her breath after what she could safely say was the best fuck of her life.

The Doctor, still knelt over her, removed the strap-on and Yaz couldn’t help but notice the glistening arousal that stuck to the harness. The Doctor pulled the pillow from underneath Yaz and discarded it on the floor as she flopped down on her side next to the young woman. She traced her fingers lightly over her chest, following the lines of her collarbones across sensitive skin. When Yaz felt capable of speaking again, she shifted her gaze from the ceiling to face the Doctor. “That was amazing.” 

The Doctor grinned but flushed slightly, as if she were a little embarrassed. “It wasn’t too much?” She questioned gingerly.

“No! You can definitely do that again.”

The Doctor chuckled, her breath tickling Yaz’s neck. The brunette leaned in to place a kiss against soft lips, only pulling back a fraction. “Now, let me take care of you, Doctor.” 

Yaz pulled the Doctor back on top of her and dragged her down by the back of her neck to capture her lips in a passionate kiss, tongues dancing around each other as Yaz’s free hand pinched the Doctor’s nipple, causing the Time Lord to moan into her mouth. Yaz could feel the Doctor’s slick heat on her stomach, increasing her own arousal as she rubbed and circled the sensitive skin of the Doctor’s pink bud. 

Already aware of how ready the Doctor was for her, Yaz pulled away from kiss swollen lips to wrap her hands around the back of the Doctor’s thighs and coax her further up her form until her knees rested either side of Yaz’s face. The Time Lord’s features were etched into a slightly perturbed expression, until Yaz’s intentions clicked in the Doctor’s mind and her face flushed red. “...Oh.” 

“You alright with this?” Yaz asked, seeking confirmation.

“Yes!” The Doctor replied a little too fast, the redness of her cheeks seeping down to coat her chest.

Yaz’s hands slid up to the Doctor’s hips and gently tugged her down as the blonde’s hands promptly shot out to grab the headboard in anticipation of Yaz’s mouth. Her knees almost buckled when Yaz had her first taste, swiping a broad stroke from the Doctor’s entrance up to her clit and briefly flicking over the bundle of nerves in a way that had the Time Lord’s legs already shaking. Yaz lapped between the Doctor’s folds, taking in her sweet taste as her nails dug into the Doctor’s hips to keep her from keening. When the tip of Yaz’s tongue finally focused on the Doctor’s clit, her knees gave out slightly and her grip on the headboard turned her knuckles white when Yaz started swirling tight circles around the bundle of nerves. “Oh Gods, Yaz. Don’t stop.” A hand fell down to twist into dark tresses. “Please don’t stop.”

The Doctor grinded down on Yaz’s face as she continued her assault on her clit, and when she closed her mouth fully over the bud, the moans that fell from the Doctor’s mouth were music to Yaz’s ears. One of Yaz’s hands came down so a finger could run through the Doctor’s wet heat and tease at the blonde’s entrance, who whined in frustration. “Please Yaz, please.”

Yaz slid the digit in, quickly adding a second that the Doctor took with ease as she grinded against them, a guttural moan escaping her as they pushed in deep. Yaz alternated her tongue between dipping into the Doctor’s slick folds and lapping at her clit, while her fingers crooked inside at an angle that made walls clench around her and the Doctor’s hand grip tighter in her hair. “Right there Yaz.”

Yaz repeatedly hit the spot the Doctor needed as she felt her release build to the point where Yaz’s name was the only thing the Time Lord was capable of uttering. Her knees buckled and thighs trembled as she just about managed to keep herself up with a death grip she held on the headboard. Pleasure wracked the Doctor’s body as Yaz continued her ministrations, prolonging the Doctor’s climax while she moaned breathlessly on top of her until the younger woman finally pulled away. The Doctor looked down to see Yaz wipe her release off her chin with her finger and lick the taste off the digit. Barely able to hold herself up anymore the Doctor collapsed on the bed next Yaz. Both women stared up at the ceiling, basking in post-coital bliss until the giggle that Yaz was trying to contain broke out into full blown laughter. Thoroughly confused, the Doctor’s gaze flicked to Yaz as she watched the young woman next to her, utterly bemused.

Once Yaz eventually calmed down, her eyes met the Doctor’s, a tired chuckle still breaking through. She sighed. “Why does make up sex have to be the best sex?”

As her laughter started to increase again at her own statement, the Doctor’s lips trembled as she tried, and failed to hold back her own laughter. The Doctor’s laugh burst out of her, Yaz’s own joy being so contagious as she reached out to entwine their hands.

* * *

It was about an hour later when the Doctor lay on her side as she watched the slow rise and fall of Yaz’s upper body from where she was dozing spread on her front across the mattress. The sheets rested across her hips, exposing the dark skin of her back, still slightly shining in a post-coital glow. The long tresses of hair were spread out around her from where the Doctor had pulled the braid out during their time in bed together, a blush rising over the Time Lords cheeks at the memory.

The sight of her hair splayed out around her sparked an idea in the Doctor’s head as she shifted to straddle Yaz’s back, the brunette’s eyes fluttering open at the pressure.

“What’re you doing? She murmured, making no effort to move.

The Doctor stroked her fingers through some of the hair spread out across Yaz’s skin. “Can I plait your hair Yaz?”

Yaz raised an eyebrow. “You’re the one that pulled it out.”

“I know, but I wanna it braid now. Can I?” She put on her most innocent smile, knowing even if the brunette wanted to say no, she wouldn’t.

Yaz rolled her eyes lazily. “Of course you can.”

“Brilliant!”

The Doctor combed more thoroughly through Yaz’s hair, ridding it of any knots before splitting it into three sections and starting her task. “You really have the best hair in the universe, did you know that, Yaz?” 

Yaz felt heat rise in her cheeks at the Doctor’s compliment, but was distracted by the relaxing feeling of the woman on top of her playing with her hair. Knuckles grazed lightly over her spine as the Doctor completed her work, and from Yaz’s angle she was just about able to see the Doctor’s tongue poking out her mouth, a cute frown on her features as concentrated. The Doctor’s eyes suddenly sparkled with glee and her face split into a grin that scrunched up her face as she pinged the bobble off her wrist. “Done!” She began to tie Yaz’s hair into place. “I’d say I’ve done a pretty good job of that.” 

The Doctor lay back down on the bed next to Yaz, grabbing the sheets and pulling it fully over both their forms while Yaz reached for her braid to inspect the Doctor’s work. Her eyebrows raised, surprised at how neatly the Doctor had plaited her hair. “I have to say, I’m impressed.” 

The Time Lord ran the braid between her own fingers again as she leaned forward a pecked Yaz lightly on the lips. “Thanks Yaz, I do try my best.” 

Yaz shuffled an arm out from under the covers to rest a hand over the Doctor’s smooth cheek. “Can we sleep now? You really tired me out.” She chuckled at the proud look painted across the Doctor’s features. 

The blonde shifted to softly kiss the palm of Yaz’s hand and pull her close. “Of course we can.” 

Yaz’s eyes fluttered shut, exhaustion taking over. “Promise you’ll be here in the morning?” She murmured into the Doctor’s shoulder.

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD BE OK 
> 
> AND VERY TIRED LMAOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> also wow go me i wrote a chapter that DIDN'T end with them crying

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SORRY
> 
> JUST STAY WITH ME GAYS THEY'LL BE OK
> 
> also kudos and comments are super appreciated!! xx


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